Coping with the grief of losing my fur baby (Alpha)

The pain is still there, the tears still run down my face, and my heart is still breaking as I write this...


But life goes on...


This post is in honour of my first son, Alpha

Alpha  came in as a temporary house guest.  He was badly malnourished and freezing out in the cold. My aim was to care for him for only a couple of days. Once he was back on his feet, I would put him back with his family. However, within two hours, he had made his permanent space in our hearts and home. Those big adorable eyes stared right into my soul as if telling me, ‘you can try to fool yourself but you can’t stay without me and neither can I. I accept you as my family’.

Alpha just brought in from the cold outside

The time we had with him was simply amazing. He was such a gentle soul. He always held his calm except when Delta would try to eat his food. However, if Delta was feeling down or was sick, Alpha would offer him food, stay close to him, sleep with him. Alpha would do anything to make Delta feel better. He was the best brother ever. During training, I would train Alpha first, then Delta. Delta used to copy Alpha’s movements. So Alpha would help me train Delta. Oh! What an incredible time it was.

However, our happy bubble did not last long. At four months of age, Alpha suddenly stopped eating. I tried changing his food, gave him chicken, eggs, everything that he loved to eat. But he would not even sniff it.

He would just sleep on the bed. If Delta tried to offer any comfort, he would be met with a growl. Eventually, Delta started to shy away from Alpha. We all were so worried with Alpha’s drastically changing behaviour.

At first, he failed to recognize Delta. But eventually he stopped recognizing any of us. Our hearts broke into a million pieces when we realized that our journey together had come to an end.



I was always sceptical about something bad happening. Life was just too good to be true. I had everything I had ever dreamed of. However, good dreams don’t last long. The night Alpha passed away, I dreamt he was healthy and with us. I woke up looking for him. But he was not there. We kept going to places where we would take Alpha for walks. I kept hoping to see him again even though I knew that he had crossed the rainbow bridge. I kept feeling Like I was in a nightmare from which I could not wake up. It took us a little more than a week to accept that Alpha was truly gone.

Delta turned out to be an amazing support system for both my husband and I. The moment he’d sense our sadness, he would come over and give us hugs and kisses. At times, when he could not stop me from crying, he would cry with me. It was Delta’s compassion, unconditional love and tenderness that pulled us out of our dismal abyss. We would be lost without him.

Rest in peace Alpha, You will always be loved



Trust me, the pain of loosing Alpha almost pushed me into depression. But, the support system  I found in my husband and Delta kept me going. Alpha may finally be relieved of his suffering but, Delta still needed me. Being needed is very important. It gives us a reason to live for one more day when all we want to do is curl up and die.

Alpha is in doggie heaven with his new friends. I know he is my guardian angel above and Della is my guardian angel here. This gives me courage and hope that tomorrow will be better than yesterday.

Rest in peace Alpha. You will always be missed. The place you covered in our hearts will be yours till our last breath. Love you always.

"Dogs come into our lives and teach us about love, they depart and teach us about loss. A new dog never replaces an old dog. it merely expands the heart." 

The puppy stage cuteness of my boys: